Mark leant over me and in confessional tones told me that he cried himself to sleep each weekend thinking about how he could escape from the hold that alcohol and cocaine had on him. He has two children that live with his ex-partner, a demanding job and a fast life style. Weekends are the main problem as that is when he begins the binge of drink and drugs which lead him into a cycle of regret, remorse and fear that perpetually turns him to prayer. He describes himself as a ‘lapsed Catholic’ and I was stunned at the depth of our conversation and the sincerity of his confession to me as a stranger he had just met, to be honest it felt very special and had the quality of an ‘ordained meeting’. I was able to offer him some support and advice, I listened to him and have been praying for him ever since.
I was in Northern Ireland to speak at a conference and decided in my free time to grab a pint of the ‘black stuff’, I had wandered into a local pub and happened to ask Mark to take my photo whilst supping my Guinness. We got talking and he soon discovered I was a Christian, at first he was shocked that I was in a pub as this didn’t fit his understanding of Christianity. My encounter with Mark has raised a couple of reflections for me that I wanted to share.
Whilst the cultural context of perceived faith in Northern Ireland is unique I find it interesting that Mark, like many people, has a well developed and quite strong assumptions about what is and is not acceptable Christian behaviour. His perception was that his behaviour prevented him from being a Christian or receiving God’s help. I felt that my role in this ‘confessional’ encounter was to help him understand that God loved him just as he was and that Christianity was not something that excluded him because of his behaviour but was rather something that might help him with his behaviour.
It seems to me that a task for Christians is to enable people to know that they belong and that this might lead to belief that might lead them to change the way that they behave. For some reason this process seems to have been reversed in that people often assume that faith requires prerequisite changed behaviour, rooted in new beliefs that will enable them to belong. This is subtle stuff! My point is that we must find ways of generating a sense of belonging, however, it may also require us to ‘debunk’ our own and other people’s assumptions about the ‘terms of membership’!
I also reflected on how the encounter with Mark would never have happened unless I had visited the pub and how even in writing about this I am nervous of how I will be judged by others. Perhaps I would never have crossed the road for the injured man in the story of the Good Samaritan for fear of ‘questionable association’! The truth is that I love association with people in this way and perpetually find myself having to assure ‘non believers’ that God likes and loves them despite their assumed messages to the contrary.
Jesus seemed to cross social, cultural, religious and political boundaries all the time in His ministry. It was one of the main reasons that he ended up on the cross if you think about it! I wonder if we run the risk of safe, known and respectable Christian interventions and behaviors that comply with seductively sanctimonious views of faith that spends more time identifying and patrolling the boundaries of faith membership than we do eating with sinners.
I’m all for cracking open another Guinness this Easter as well as an egg or two! What do you think?
Dave Wiles
that’s so true, Dave, that we have made it look easier to take a PHD than become a member of a church – and sadly, we’ve built frosty images of ourselves, as ‘nice Christians’! (like whitewashed tombs)
somehow we’ve also created a church culture where we are imprisoned in our code of behaviour, we’ve constructed hymn sand-wedges and alternative stations that preclude the possibility of honest communication or warm connection
sometimes I can understand why some churches are holding meetings in pubs
By: subo on March 30, 2010
at 9:39 am
amen su – I do hope that the ‘fresh expressions’ of church stuff that is around will lead to some authentic and loving communities of believers – the cynic in me (oppressed by a dogged optimist!) is worried that they may get seduced by the system or become middle class group encounters – but I wish them well!!
… anyway – I still meet with a group of guys – last wed of each month (tomorrow night – yippee!) in a pub and we have been doing it for about 15 years (before it was trendy!) and it feels like my church – honest pilgrims who like an ale and a good yarn!! cheers
dave
By: Dave on March 30, 2010
at 10:53 pm
I like your story Dave. The need to belong is one we can see across the whole of society. Can I just put in a plea though for some of the “new ways of doing church”. We started sanctuary 11 years ago, not because it was trendy, not because it was middle class but because it is a way for us to explore and express our faith in a way that works for us (sometimes!) We haven’t always got it right, but we try to make it welcoming, we try to enable everyone to feel they belong and have a place. Sanctuary isn’t just 1 or 2 people saying they will lead, it is the whole motly group who sometimes meet, talk, share with one another.However that is not always easy and we have not always managed it. What i have learnt over the 11 years is that in an effort to be community it can only work if everyone part of it puts something in at some point!. We all have sh** days and months as individuals but we also need to be willing to stretch a hand out occasionally to someone else when we are having a better day. Maybe that is why it feels tough to do community, maybe too often too many of us are having sh** days at the same time!!
By: soniamain on March 31, 2010
at 7:46 am
talking about shxxx days, I had loads of desolation over the last few days, so much so that my husband noticed and suggested a coffee and an elevating book might be the order of the day, through a worried frown. it was good to feel cared about
taking up his advice, though barley ‘with it’ enough to select a book, I actually purchased the current archbishop of cant.’s Lent Book for 2010 – yes, as I say, not quite with it
a fortunate accident however, as despite the language, this books a total gem, I’m loving Lucy Winkett’s biting prose, and finding her comments on collective worship very thought provoking
she makes a distinction between corporate, (sung) reading of scripture, and private meditation, implying that the corporate stuffs the real deal.
so yes, me to – I do really think community worth working at, and worth finding out how to build against a culture that’s into ego and individuality
By: subo on March 31, 2010
at 10:23 am
Know what you mean Sonia re Sanctuary – having attended a few!!!
For the sake of discussion though I want to continue the debate from my perspective.
There is an interesting line in your posting in that you say, “…because it is a way for us to explore and express our faith in a way that works for us (sometimes!)” WITHOUT implying that this is what you are saying – I would want to suggest that this sentiment can be seen as rooted in a post modern view of the world that is rooted in phenomenon like:
1 – The suspicion of institutions and the weakening of external systems of authority
2 – The dominance of ‘subjective’ truth – ‘my truth’
3 – Consumerism
4 – The supremacy of personal rights over any perspective of the context of human rights
I know that some would argue about post modernity and am not suggesting we should go deep – but I think (having reflected on the theme with so many students) that the list above ‘holds water’ as descriptions of ‘under current’ values in society. I have to say that I am glad about aspects of 1 and 2 above (particularly in relation to church) but 3 and 4 worry me.
I think that there are important aspects of being church that are not comfortable (a place where ‘the disturbed are comforted and the comfortable are disturbed’) things like meeting with people who don’t hold the same views as you, submitting to what I would call ‘servant based authority’ (e.g. leadership that is rooted in a ‘service’ mentality), accountability etc..
My fear is that many ‘fresh expressions’ are people being liberated from aspects of Christianity that are not comfortable; they seem rooted in what I would call ‘hobby based’ faith! I guess the core question is ‘what makes church’ – what are the things that we should keep ‘tight’ and what are the things that are ‘lose’? Perhaps a good question to continue the discussion? Dave
By: Dave on March 31, 2010
at 11:56 am
interesting points Dave, but believe you me there have been plenty of uncomfortable moments/ discussions/ misunderstandings and disturbed behaviours seen in sanctuary over the years!
By: soniamain on March 31, 2010
at 5:44 pm
I think I know that Sonia and am trying to talk generally about ‘fresh expessions’ rather than about Sanctuary in particular.
My point is that those that are disturbed and misunderstood should be made comfortable by their experience of church and those that are comfortable should be disturbed – in a ‘Kingdom’ type way.
Hope that clarifies. Dave
By: Dave on March 31, 2010
at 5:59 pm
it’s essential to debate some of this stuff, and interesting that the Easter Narrative includes happenings like the clash of ordinary people with institutions and systems of authority, different ideas of ‘truth’. perhaps consumerism is less apparent, but the conflict of personal rights over the rights of the wider community is well in there
having said that, I do think we need to look at how we do things, and how we relate to the wider church, and how we engage with our Christian heritage. One thing I’m aware of, regarding heritage, is the interest in exploring texts from different centuries within the emerging church movement
perhaps community is something we will always wrestle with, when we first moved to Bristol, we tried so hard to join the church we were recommended, week after week, at times it felt as though there was an invisible wall between us, or maybe we just didn’t realise how bad we smelt! I’ve met with folks who follow a rule – only to be shocked at some of the gossip! and at other times I’ve tried to connect with churches only to find an endless stream of request coming in my email box, to chip in and help with this outreach and that alpha meal, – I can hardly manage my current job, so have just learnt to ignore these insensitive demands
and yet, Jesus gave us the church, to be community, and I believe He wanted this to be a wonderful experience of welcome, affirmation and acceptance, a real place where we don’t have to pick up a shiny halo on the way in, a place where we know we are not only loved but our fellow communitieites are avidly praying for our plans and dreams to develop
for me, a key test, is just how welcoming is a church, how easy is it for a new person to come on board and join in with the act of worship, contributing ideas and finding a tangible experience of people’s faith
By: subo on March 31, 2010
at 10:43 pm
Nice thoughts Su – interesting that you say Jesus gave us the church – when He only mentioned it once (gates of hell won’t prevail against it…) according to the gospels. The records in the gospel seem to stress relationships, discipleship and Kingdom (and they were written after the epistles) rather than any emphasis on church – which I find fascinating. Some suggest that the gospels were written as an offensive to the ‘establishment’ that was being developed – and whether or not that is true – I have some sympathy with the view! I love the ‘invisible church’ (the ‘body of Christ’ that crosses denominational affiliation, time, space and even ‘church building’ attendance!) and don’t want to chuck the baby out with the bath water over church and so would sum up my sense of calling in this area as seeking:
- To enable people to have safe authentic and meaningful relationships with each other as followers of Jesus
- To stress the message (restored relationship with God and fellow humans leading to ongoing liberation, transformation, justice, peace etc) rather than any model of ‘doing church’
- To help people in organised church systems to stay looking outward in their sense of mission rather than getting preoccupied with their (and the systems) needs
Should keep me busy for a few more decades! dave
By: Dave on April 1, 2010
at 1:04 am
ah, take it steady Dave, hope there’s a sense of the sheer pleasure of belonging in there as well as the weight of mission
am a little in awe of the gift of the church after reading some impressive stats in a APSCC’s quarterly rag – here goes:-
* People with spiritual or religious affiliations are 40 per cent less likely to suffer major depressive disorder. If the do get depressed, they recover faster
* Religious commitment correlates with lower levels of substance abuse
* The risk of alcohol dependency is 60 per cent greater where there is no religious affiliation
* Reduced levels of anxiety associated with spiritual activity have been found in: heart transplant patients, women with breast cancer, medical patients in later life, and those recovering from spinal surgery
* Religious practice is associated with improved post-traumatic recovery
* Religion plays a central role in the process of reconstructing a sense of self and recovery, in those diagnosed with schizophrenia
these stats are pretty big, 40 per cent less likely to suffer depression!, however, I wish the article covered the effects of spiritual abuse as well. just because I think church at times can be really damaging – in particular when a few people control key aspects or when there is a division between roles, like women finding themselves subtly marginalised
however, it’s affirming to emerging church circles, many of whom really want to be more accessible to new people than conventional churches have been, and also the movement within the emerging church to explore reflective practice’s
By: subo on April 1, 2010
at 2:03 pm
I quite enjoy the pleasure of ‘safe authentic and meaningful relationships with each other’ thanks Su! Intresting stats – chers – dave
By: Dave on April 1, 2010
at 2:12 pm
your great fun to chew the fat with Dave, and test edgy ideas,
here’s to enjoying the confusion, and celebrating Easter with quality chocolates
By: subo on April 1, 2010
at 6:14 pm
amen to chocolate!
By: Dave on April 1, 2010
at 7:01 pm